Evidence Prohibiting of Mixing of Men and Women

My husband and I wanted to know if it were
permissable to take Arabic classes at a college where the classes are
mixed (men-women). We understand that there is no mixing between the
sexes, but confused about the definition of "mixing". Please tell us
what is permissable, what is not and give proof

Praise be to Allaah.

The
meeting together, mixing, and intermingling of men and women in
one place,
the crowding
of them together, and the revealing and exposure of women to men
are
prohibited by the Law of Islam (Shari'ah). These acts are
prohibited
because
they are
among the causes for fitnah (temptation or trial which implies
evil
consequences),
the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and
wrongdoing.

Among the
many proofs of prohibition of the meeting and
mixing of
men and women in the Qur’aan and Sunnah are:

Verse
No. 53 of Surat
al-Ahzab, or
the Confederates (Interpretation of the meaning);
"...for
anything ye
want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity
for your
hearts and for theirs..."

In
explaining this Verse,
Ibn Kathir
(May Allaah have mercy on him) said: "Meaning, as I forbade you to
enter their
rooms, I forbid you to look at them at all. If one wants to take
something
from a woman, one should do so without looking at her. If one
wants to
ask a woman
for something, the same has to be done from behind a
screen."

The
Prophet

(May
peace and blessings be upon him) enforced
separation
of men and women even at Allaah’s most revered and preferred
place,
the mosque.
This was accomplished via the separation of the women’s rows from
the men’s;
men were asked to stay in the mosque after completion of the
obligatory
prayer so that women will have enough time to leave the mosque;
and,
a special
door was assigned to women. Evidence of the foregoing
are:

Umm
Salamah (May Allah be
pleased with
her) said that after Allah’s Messenger

(May
peace and blessings be upon him) said
"as-Salamu
‘Alaykum wa
Rahmatullah’
twice announcing the end of prayer, women would stand up and
leave.
He would
stay for a while before leaving. Ibn Shihab said that he thought
that
the staying
of the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) was in order
for the
women to be able to leave before the men who wanted to depart."
Narrated by al-Bukhari under No.
793.

Abu
Dawood under No. 876
narrates the
same hadith in Kitab al-Salaat under the title "Insiraaf an-Nisaa’
Qabl
al-Rijaal min al-Salaah" (Departure of Women before Men after the
Prayer).
Ibn ‘Umar
said that Allah’s Messenger

(May
peace
and
blessings be upon him) said: "We should leave this door (of the
mosque) for
women."
Naafi’ said: "Ibn ‘Umar never again entered through that door
until he
died."
Narrated by Abu Dawood under No. 484 in
"Kitab
as-Salah" under the Chapter
entitled: "at-Tashdid fi Thalik".

Abu
Hurayrah said that
the Prophet

(May
peace and blessings be upon him)
said:
""The
best of the men’s rows is the first and the worst is the last,
and the best
of the women’s rows is the last and the worst in the first."
Narrated by Muslim under No. 664.

This
is the greatest
evidence
that the Law of Islam (Shari'ah) forbids meeting and mixing of men
and
women. The
farther the men are from the women’s rows, the better, and vice
versa.

If
these procedures and
precautions
were prescribed and adhered to in a mosque, which is a pure place
of
worship
where people are as far away as they ever are from the arousal of
desire
and
temptation, then no doubt the same procedures need to be followed
even
more
rigorously
at other places.

Abu
Usayd al-Ansari
narrated
that he heard Allah’s Messenger

(May
peace
and
blessings be upon him) say to the women on his way out of the
mosque when
he
saw men and
women mixing together on their way home:
‘Give way
(i.e., walk to
the sides)
as it is not appropriate for you to walk in the middle the road.’
Thereafter,
women would walk so close to the wall that their dresses would get
caught on
it.
Narrated by Abu Dawood in "Kitab
al-Adab min
Sunanihi, Chapter: Mashyu an-Nisa Ma’
ar-Rijal fi at-Tariq."We
know that the intermingling, mixing and crowding together of men
and
women is
part of today’s unavoidable yet regrettable affliction in most
places,
such as
markets, hospitals, colleges, etc., but:

· We will
not willfully
choose or
accept mixing and crowding, particularly in religious classes and
council
meetings in Islamic Centers.

· We take
precautions to avoid
meeting and
mixing of men and women as much as possible while at the same time
achieving
desired goals and objectives. This result can be achieved by
designating
separate places assigned for men and women, using different doors
for each,
utilizing modern means of communication such as microphones, video
recorders
etc., and expediting efforts to have enough female teachers to
teach
women, etc.

· We show
fear of Allaah as much as we can by not looking at
members of
the opposite sex and by applying self-restraint.

There follow some of the results of a study on mixing undertaken
by
some Muslim social science researchers.

When we put the following question: What is the
Islamic ruling on mixing as far as you know? The results were as
follows:

76% of respondents said “It is not permitted.”

12% said, “It is permitted” – but moral,
religious, etc. restrictions apply…

12% said, “I don’t know.”

Which would you choose?

If you
had the choice between working in a mixed workplace and working in
another
where there was no mixing, which would you choose?

The responses to this question were as follows:

76% would choose the workplace where there was no
mixing.

9% preferred the mixed workplace.

15% would accept any workplace which suited their
specialties, regardless of whether it was mixed or not.

Very embarrassing

Have any embarrassing situations ever happened to
you
because of mixing?

Among the embarrassing moments mentioned by
respondents in this study were the following:

I was at work one day, and I went into one
department where one of my female colleagues
who wears hijaab had taken off her hijaab in front of her female
colleagues. My entrance took her by surprise and I was very
embarrassed as
a result.

I had to do an experiment in the lab at
university,
but I was absent on the day of the experiment. I had to go to the
lab on
the following day, and I found myself the only male among a group
of
female students, in addition to a female teacher and a female lab
technician. I was very embarrassed and felt very awkward with all
those
female eyes glaring at me.

I was trying to take a feminine towel out of one
of
the drawers when I was surprised by a male colleague standing
behind me,
who wanted to take something from his own private drawer. He
noticed that
I was embarrassed and he left the room quickly to avoid my
embarrassment.

It so happened that one of the girls at the
university bumped into me when turning a corner in a crowded
corridor. She
was walking quickly, going to one of the lectures. As a result of
this
collision, she lost her balance, and I caught her in my arms, as
if I was
embracing her. You can imagine how embarrassed I and this girl
felt in
front of a group of careless young people.

One of my female colleagues fell on the stairs in
the
university and her clothes fell open in an extremely embarrassing
fashion.
She landed upside down and could not help herself; the young men
standing
nearby had no option but to cover her and help her to get up.

I work in a company and I went in to give some
papers
to my boss. When I was going out, my boss called me back. I turned
around
and saw him with his face turned away. I was waiting for him to
ask me for
a file or for more papers, and I was surprised by his hesitancy. I
turned
away to the left side of his office, pretending to be busy with
something,
and he spoke to me at the same time. I thought that this boss
would say
anything except what he actually said, which was to point out that
my
garment was stained with menstrual blood. Can the earth open up
and
swallow a human being at the moment of making sincere
supplication? For I
prayed that the earth would open up and swallow me.

Victims of mixing… True stories

Lost hope

Umm Muhammad, a mature woman over the age of 40,
tells her story.

I lived a life of modest means with my husband.
There
was never any closeness and harmony, and my husband did not have
the kind
of strong personality that a woman would hope for, but his good
nature
made me overlook the fact that I was the one who was responsible
for most
of the decision making in the family.

My husband often used to mention the name of his
friend and business partner, and he would talk about him in my
presence,
and I often used to meet with him in his office which was
originally part
of our apartment. This went on for many years, until circumstances
led to
us exchanging visits with this person and his family. These family
visits
were repeated and because of his close friendship with my husband,
we did
not notice how the number of visits increased and how many hours a
single
visit would last. He often used to come on his own to sit with us,
me and
my husband, for long visits. My husband’s trust in him knew no
bounds,
and as days passed I got to know this person very well, and saw
how
wonderful and decent he was. I
began to feel a strong attraction towards this man, and at the
same time I
began to sense that the feeling was mutual.

Things took a strange turn after that, when I
realized that this man was the kind of person I had always dreamed
about.
Why had he come along now, after all these years? The more this
man’s
status increased in my eyes, the more my husband’s status
diminished. It
was as if I had needed to see the beauty of his character in order
to
discover how ugly my husband’s character was.

The matter between this person and myself did
not go beyond these persistent thoughts which were occupying my
mind night
and day. Neither he nor I ever voiced what we felt in our hearts…
until
today. Yet despite that my life is over and my husband is little
more than
a weak man with no self-esteem. I hate him and I do not know how
all this
hatred towards him started to boil over. I wonder how I put up
with him
all these years, bearing all these burdens by myself, facing
life’s
problems on my own.

Things got so bad that I asked him for a
divorce, and he divorced me at my request. After that he became a
broken
man. Even worse than that is that after my marriage was wrecked
and my
children and husband were devastated, problems arose in this man's
family.
His wife, with her feminine intuition, realized what had been
going on in
his heart of hearts, and his life became hell. She was overwhelmed
with
jealousy to the extent that one night she left her house at 2 a.m.
and
came to attack my house, screaming, weeping and hurling
accusations. His
marriage was also about to collapse.

I admit that the lovely gatherings which we
used to enjoy gave us the opportunity to get to know one another
at a time
that was not appropriate at this stage in our lives.

His marriage has been wrecked and so has mine. I
have
lost everything, and now I know that my circumstances and his will
not
permit us to take any positive step towards coming together. Now I
am more
miserable than I have ever been, and I am looking for illusionary
happiness and lost hopes.

Tit-for-tat

Umm Ahmad tells us:

My husband had a group of married friends, and
because of our close friendship with them, we used to get together
with
them once a week in one of our houses, to enjoy an evening of
chat.

Deep down in my heart I was never really
comfortable with the atmosphere in which we would have dinner,
sweets,
snacks and drinks of juice accompanied by waves of laughter
because of the
jokes and chit-chats that often went beyond the bounds of good
manners.

In the name of friendship, the barriers were
lifted
and every now and then one would hear suppressed laughter between a
woman
and the husband of another woman. The jokes were too much, dealing
–
with no sense of shyness –with sensitive topics such as sex and
women’s private matters. This was usual and was even accepted and
regarded as desirable.

Although I indulged in these things along with
them, my conscience made me feel guilty. Then the day came when it
became
quite clear just how ugly and filthy this atmosphere was.

The telephone rang, and I heard the voice of
one of the friends in this group. I said hello to him and
apologized that
my husband was not home. He replied that he knew that, and that he
was
calling to speak to me! After he suggested starting a relationship
with
me, I got very angry and spoke harshly to him and cursed him. All
he could
do was laugh and say, “Don’t try and show these good manners to
me; go
and check on your husband’s good manners and see what he is
doing…”
I was devastated by what he said, but I pulled myself together and
said to
myself, this person is only trying to cause the break up of your
marriage.
But he succeeded in planting the seeds of doubt concerning my
husband.

Shortly after that, the major disaster struck. I
discovered that my husband was cheating on me with another woman.
It was
the matter of life or death as far as I was concerned. I found my
husband
out and I confronted him, saying: “You are not the only one who
can have
a relationship. I have received a similar proposition.” And I told
him
all about his friend. He was stunned and absolutely shocked. (I
said:)
“If you want me to respond in kind to your relationship with that
woman,
then this is for that, tit-for-tat.” This was a huge slap in the
face
for him. He knew that I did not intend to do that in reality, but
he
realized the great disaster that had befallen our lives and the
immoral
atmosphere in which we were living. I suffered a great deal until
my
husband finally left that loose woman with whom he was having a
relationship, as he admitted to me. Yes, he left her and came back
to his
family and children, but how can I ever feel the same towards him
as I
used to? Who will restore respect for him in my heart? This huge
wound in
my heart is still bleeding out of regret and rage at that filthy
atmosphere; it still bears testimony to the fact that what they
call
innocent get-togethers are in reality anything but innocent. My
heart
still begs for mercy from the Lord of Glory.

Intelligence can also be a temptation (fitnah)

‘Abd al-Fattaah says:

I work as the head of department in one of the big
companies. For a long time I admired one of my female colleagues,
not for
her beauty, but for her serious attitude towards her work, her
intelligence and her excellent achievements – in addition to the
fact
that she was a decent and modest person who focused only on her
work. This
admiration turned into attachment, and I am a married man who
fears Allaah
and never misses any obligatory prayer. I expressed my feelings to
her and
she rebuffed me. She is married and has children as well. She sees
no
reason why I should have any kind of relationship with her,
whether it be
friendship, as work colleagues or based on admiration… etc. Evil
thoughts come to me sometimes, and deep down I wish that her
husband would
divorce her so that I could get her.

I started to put pressure on her at work and
put her down in front of my bosses. Perhaps this was a form of
revenge on
my part, but she accepted it with good manners and did not
complain or
comment. She works and works; her performance speaks of her
quality, and
she knows this well. The more she resisted me, the stronger my
infatuation
grew.

I am not a person who is easily tempted by women,
because I fear Allaah and I do not overstep the mark with them and
go
beyond what is required by my work. But this woman attracted me.
What is
the solution?… I do not know.

Baby ducks know how to swim

N.A.A., a nineteen-year-old girl, tells us:

At that time I was a little girl. My innocent eyes
watched those evening get-togethers when family friends would meet
in the
house. What I remember is that I could only see one man, who was
my
father. I watched him as he moved about the room, how his glances
would
devour the women present, looking at their thighs and chests,
admiring
this one’s eyes, that one’s hair, the other’s hips. My poor mother
had no choice but to take care of these get-togethers. She was a
very
simple lady.

Among the women present there was one woman who
would
deliberately try to attract my father’s attention, sometimes by
coming
close to him, and sometimes by making enticing movements. I would
watch
this with concern, whilst my mother was busy in the kitchen for
the sake
of her guests.

These gatherings stopped suddenly and I tried,
young as I was, to understand and make sense of what had happened,
but I
could not.

What I remember was that my mother collapsed
completely at that time, and she could not stand to hear my
father’s
name mentioned in the house. I used to hear mysterious words
whispered by
the adults around me: “Betrayal… bedroom… she saw them with her
own
eyes… despicable woman… in a very shameful position…” etc. These
were the key words which only the adults could understand.

I grew up and came to understand, and I bore a
grudge against all men. All of them were treacherous. My mother
was a
broken woman and accused every woman who came to us of being a
man-snatcher who wanted to make my father fall into her trap. My
father
hasn’t changed. He is still practising his favourite hobby of
chasing
women, but now he does it outside the home. Now I am nineteen
years old
and I know lots of young men. I feel great pleasure in taking
revenge on
them, because every one of them is an exact copy of my father. I
tempt
them and entice them, without letting them get anywhere near me.
They
follow me in gatherings and in the marketplaces because of my
movements
and deliberate gestures. Sometimes my phone never stops ringing
and I feel
proud of what I do to avenge the sex of Hawwa’ and my mother. But
sometimes I feel so miserable and such a failure that it almost
chokes me.
My life is shadowed by a huge dark cloud, and its name is my
father.

Before it is too late

S.N.A. tells of her experience:

I never imagined that my work circumstances would
force me to be in contact with the opposite sex (men), but this in
fact is
what happened…

In the beginning,
I used to cover and screen myself from men by wearing niqaab
(face-veil), but some of the sisters advised me that this dress
was
attracting more attention to my presence, and it would be better
for me to
take off the niqaab, especially since my eyes were somewhat
attractive. So
I removed the cover from my face, thinking that this was better.
But by
continuing to mix with my colleagues, I discovered that I was the
odd one
out because of my antisocial attitude and my insistence on not
joining in
the conversation and chatting with others. Everyone was wary of
this
“lone-wolf” woman (as they saw me), and this is what was stated
clearly by one person who affirmed that he would not want to deal
with
such a snooty and stand-offish character. But I knew that I was
the
opposite, in fact, and I decided that I would not oppress myself
and put
myself in a difficult position with my colleagues. So I started to
join in
their chats and exchanges of anecdotes, and they all discovered
that I
could speak eloquently and persuasively, and that I could
influence
others. I could also speak in a manner that was determined yet at
the same
time was attractive to some of my colleagues. It was not long
before I
noticed some changes in the expression of my direct supervisor;
with some
embarrassment, he was enjoying the way I spoke and moved, and he
would
deliberately bring up topics in the conversation where I would see
that
hateful look in his eyes. I do not deny the fact that I started to
entertain some thoughts about this man. I found it astonishing
that a man
could fall so easily into the trap of a woman who was religiously
committed, so how must it be in the case of women who adorn
themselves and
invite men to commit immoral actions? In fact, I did not think of
him in
any way which went beyond the bounds of sharee’ah, but he did
occupy a
space in my thoughts for quite some time. But soon my self-respect
made me
reject the idea of being a source of enjoyment for this man in any
way,
shape or form, even if it was only psychological in nature, and I
stopped
getting involved in any kind of work that would force me to sit
alone with
him. In the end, I reached the following conclusions:

1-
Attraction between the sexes can occur in any circumstances, no
matter how much men and women may deny that. The attraction may
start
within the bounds of sharee’ah and end up going beyond those
bounds.

Even if a person protects himself (by marriage), he is not safe
from the snares of the Shaytaan.

3-
Even though a person may be able to guarantee himself and he works
with the opposite sex within reasonable limits, he cannot
guarantee the
feelings of the other party.

Finally, there is nothing good in mixing and it does not bear
fruit
as they claim. On the contrary, it corrupts sound thinking.

What now?

We may ask, what comes next, after this discussion
on
the matter of mixing?

It’s about time for us to recognize that no matter
how we try to beautify the issue of mixing and take the matter
lightly,
its consequences are bound to catch up with us, and the harm it
causes
will have disastrous results for our families. Sound common sense
refuses
to accept that mixing is a healthy atmosphere for human relations.
This is
the sound common sense which made most of the people included in
this
survey (76%) prefer working in a non-mixed environment. The same
percentage (76%) said that mixing is not permitted according to
the
sharee’ah. What makes us sit up and take notice is not this
honourable
percentage – which indicates the purity of our Islamic society and
the
cleanness of its members’ hearts – but the small number who said
that
mixing is permitted; they number 12%. This group, with no
exceptions, said
that mixing is permitted but within the limits set by religion,
custom
(‘urf), traditions, good manners, conscience, modesty, covering
and other worthy values which, in their opinion, keep mixing
within proper
limits.

We ask them: is the mixing which we see nowadays
in
our universities, market-places, work-places and family and social
gatherings, taking place within the limits referred to above? Or
are these
places filled with transgressions in terms of clothing, speech,
interactions and behaviour? We see wanton displays of adornment
(tabarruj), not proper covering; we see fitnah (temptations) and
dubious
relationships, with no good manners and no conscience and no
covering. We
can conclude that the kind of mixing that is happening nowadays is
unacceptable even to those who approve of mixing in a clean
atmosphere.

It’s about time for us to recognize that mixing
provides a fertile breeding-ground for social poisons to invade
and take
over our society without anyone ever realizing that it is mixing
which is
the cause. Mixing is the prime element in this silent fitnah, in
the shade
of which betrayals erupt, homes are wrecked and hearts are
broken.

We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound, and to
reform our society. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid